Dear Santa Blogs,
It is obviously the right time of year to get rid of books…to make room for all those our family will be giving each other at the end of the month. Don’t bother telling me about any deserving libraries in town: I already know who’s getting these. What I need to know, Santa Blogs, is whether I can drop these out without trouble with locked doors, interference from random elves, etc. Are there rules at your particular North Pole? And thanks in advance for the gift of space on my bookshelves!
Gifts Can Be Educational
That’s the spirit! Of course, the technicality about space on bookshelves is that it evaporates. Get some in stock on December 15 and it has evaporated by December 30. Or January 3, if your main resolution is to get more books read. (Is everyone in your family receiving a copy of Moby Dick as preparation for next year’s big Newberry exhibit? Not only is it a book of lasting value, it takes up space in a pile of Christmas presents if you have the kind of family who measures each other’s stack of loot.)
Now, as to the preponderance of elves and reindeer and locked doors. Due to the calendar’s lack of thoughtfulness is scheduling holidays this year, the library will be locked up tight December 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 30, and 31, and January 1. Kindly do not bring us presents, wrapped or unwrapped, on these days. We have a skeleton staff on those days (no doubt leftover from Halloween) and no one will have the time or the ability to slip out and drag your bags and boxes inside, snow or shine, fruitcake or no fruitcake. (Actually, that’s part of the security routine around here. If anyone so much as suspects the presence of fruitcake, they are instructed to leave the package for someone else. Just like at your house.)
We do not expect you to bring anything down our chimney (which is landmarked, so don’t risk civic disapproval or a note from the mayor.) On the other hand, delivery might become briefly technical. At some point over the next few weeks, the next step in security will be put in order, and those glass doors where you used to bring your books over the past year will be locked forever unless you have the proper ID. So even on days when we’re open, you will have to call in a message to security, OR drag your books up the front steps, OR (wait for it, this is your holiday surprise package) leave them on the dock!
Yes, at some point in the celebrations, the dear old loading dock (or Lampe Landing, as it is known) will again be ready for you to drop off books. We MAY have the box on wheels you knew from inside the glass doors and we may not, but you’ll be able to leave your boxes and bags without fearing to obstruct the contractors and impede the renovation of the first floor. The big, heavy work is all done, and all that remains of that encyclopedic list of Things To Do is down to its last page, little of which involves people delivering presents to Santa Blogs’s workshop.
So bring your books around on the days provided. (Or wait until spring. You MIGHT get snowed in and have all the new books read.) Look around for a good landing spot, and leave us your holiday surprises. Speaking of holidays, that copy of The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood would make a much better gift for your Aunt Booney than for us. How do I know? Santa Blogs knows these things, mistletoed meatloaf; that’s why they call him Santa Blogs.