I turned up another musical gem from the Book Fair Songbook. Internal evidence dates this to about 1992. It is set to the tune of a song you haven’t heard, so don’t worry about it.
Oh, a book or two by Guteneberg’s the least that I expect
But I can’t pay more than thirty, or my budget will be wrecked.
Now look: this page is folded down, you’d better change the price:
Just mark it down to fifty cents; I think that would suffice.
Oh, the Newberry! The Newberry! This book fair is a scream;
Don’t try to tell me that it’s work: it’s peaches and it’s cream.
I’ve seen a hundred book fairs, and this one is the best
(And if you’ll knock this down ten bucks, I’ll say so to the rest.)
I hear you have a preview here where buyers pay to come:
I know you need the money, but why cater to that scum?
They take all of the special books and leave this trash to me:
A pity that your favors sell for such a paltry fee.
Oh, the Newberry! The Newberry! Just look at all the books!
I think it’s sad the best ones get snatched up by early crooks.
I’ve seen two hundred book fairs, and this one is the best
(But you’d make much more money if that preview was suppressed.)
I’m looking for a purple book–I don’t recall the name–
I know you must have read it; that’s the reason that I came.
The heroine’s a redhead and the hero’s name is John:
Can you show me a table I might find this classic on?
Oh, the Newberry! The Newberry! How beautiful it looks!
You must have so much fun all year, just reading all these books!
I’ve seen five hundred book fairs, and this one is the best
(You must recall the chapter where the downstairs maid confessed.)
We seem to have a lot of books: let’s stop here and take stock.
Just dump those on the floor, my dear; we’ll build a small roadblock.
We’ve looked at all those tables so it doesn’t matter much
If we shut down this section to those pushy folks and such.
Oh, the Newberry! The Newberry! The treasures that we find!
Just pile those records over there–I know they wouldn’t mind.
I’ve seen a thousand book fairs, and this one is the best.
(Just leave those discards on the floor and carry off the rest.)
I smile a lot, I stand a lot, and then I smile some more
While wishing certain customerrs would drop right through the floor.
For three days out of all the year, I’m pleasant without pause
But if I run amuck one day, you’ll know it is because
Of the Newberry! The Newberry! Just look at all the jerks
Who haggle for a quarter on a set of Irving’s works;
I’ve worked at seven book fairs, and this one is the best
(You should have known I’d feel that way; I flunked the IQ test.)