Let’s go over this again, friends and bookfans. April is a Please Don’t Bring Us Books Month. We have these months built into our schedule so we can catch up on all of those Set-That-Aside-We’ll-Work-On-Them-Laters. It also helps deal with estates and massive collections that appear. It does NOT mean we will chase you away if you bring in books. If you have to bring them you have to: we cannot control the housing market, and if you’re moving in April, okay, bring the books over. This is just a “Please Hold Off Until May If You Can” plea.
It is a coincidence that the Newberry is working on its air conditioning this month, and the dock is frequently going to be blocked with trucks. In fact, tomorrow the whole parking lot will be sealed off because a couple of objects larger than a Jeep are going to be lifted by crane to the roof. Do NOT bring your encyclopedias or LPs tomorrow, especially. You’d have to carry them up the front steps. But if you want air conditioning for this July’s Book Fair, these chillers need to be in place.
Now, I know this is going to spoil all your weekend plans for the coming month, so, in a rare show of compassion, Uncle Blogsy has prepared a list of things you can do instead of bringing in those banana boxes of books.
GO FIND THAT STEREO AND BUY THAT NEW NEEDLE FOR IT. I have SO many records coming in that you’ll need to play. A CD cannot substitute for the original vinyl sound of all these Mel Torme and Anita O’Day albums. Hey, we’ve got Elvis’s second album, and the only way to tell if it’s an original pressing is to listen to it and find out if he skips a word in one of the verses of “Old Shep”.
CATCH UP ON YOUR EMAIL. Your BFF has a new grandson! Wow! That kid’s going to need books! And you KNOW how expensive children’s books are (except at Book Fairs.)
TAKE THAT OLD BILLY BASS OFF THE WALL AND PUT HIM IN STORAGE. You know you’re never going to get around to replacing the battery, and you’re going to be buying some nifty artwork from us in July. (The miniature Navajo rug will look much better in that spot. Unless you want the needlepoint chorus girls with REAL rhinestones on their garters.)
COLLECT EMPTY BOXES. I know you’re going to bring me books eventually. If you look around for boxes of suitable size and sturdiness, you will not have to resort to banana boxes or garbage bags when the time comes.
CLEAN OUT THE CAR TRUNK. You don’t need that winter emergency kit now (I hope) and you WILL need all the space available for bringing books home in…have I mentioned the month of July?
PICK UP ON THAT EXERCISE PROGRAM YOU GAVE UP ON TWO WEEKS AFTER THE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION. You need to build up your strength and stamina for book shopping.
BUILD AN ADDITION ON YOUR HOUSE. If you’re planning to buy all these John McCormack albums, you’ll need it.